the next bit

i stare down the corridor that my life has become
the walls are glazed glass
a mirror and window to both, a better world
on the outside or in
a mirage is the problem, i cannot tell nor dare to test
what lies outside is tantalising and green
there for the taking, if only
if only
you knew a safety, taught to keep

i can’t see my glass
but i know what’s inside, it’s swilling in ice
i dip my finger in and chills
run and course around as my whisky mix and sours
it’s been too long my post office friend
too long since blisters in black boots bounced in tune
i miss the smokey damp morning wash

i was a contender
i was on a list, of lovers and fighters, and could hold
my own
now thumbs wrestle my existence
they’ve defined me in suffocated compromise
i’d forgotten who i wanted to be
i’d forgotten who i even was, who i am
but for naive choices, i’d have been me

take solace in that the day is longer than ever
take comfort in that each night brings a dew
this hangover will end and when it does you will be awake like never before
a third of the time until light
averted for now
stock taken, secrets nestled in another state, us both
i am riding my own storm, but drenched by another
i welcome the danger
i dare the pain to take control and strike me down
i want the healing that comes and comes, and come with me


i am new
i am not constrained, held over
i am taking back, to the front
i have a firm hold of this commitment
to the doppelganger
to control’s grip, vice is led

not any society shall determine what tricks shall be borne over
the answer is no, but i need another drink
the answer is always there, even when the question is not
question’s not required, for the answer is always
forgive me, me
forgiveness can be more on palate than permission

take in the warmth this year brings
for i am truly my own keeper, in good will
and i’m a little bit scared


One thought on “the next bit

  1. “i’d forgotten who i wanted to be
    i’d forgotten who i even was, who i am
    but for naive choices, i’d have been me”


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