far too loud

it’s the right time for something
but the wind blows
blundering westerly
thundering buster

dying on the vine
suffocate me
Mary Mother and
fucking Joseph

living proof of stars
knotted cocks
and clamped hands
wrench my chest

anxious foreboding
shutup shut up
you think therefore
i am, i am not

gangs in my night
circle my here
surround my walls
haunt my skin

the wanderer listens
waiting in blue
for a moment
to arm’s chance

the mountain call
beckons to breathe
taunts to heal all
that’s missing in me

sweat of dream stark
bolt and shiver
twitching fingers
again, I return to state

sing me a lullaby
wont you?

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life cult

i say yes to distraction, and a pinch of lost
control, forsaken
the ghost gang will not protect me from
the devil, You
i see kaleidoscope of dull tiled colour and
am filled with wonder, why
why please
be many when i can be
one, of none true
varietous fervor surrounds my waking hour
sleep is silent, drift is heaven

what is hope when i doubt my own doubt
plunged into
a conscious swollen existence
once confused, now
questioned

let’s start a religion

dire faces clash
with dour mouths, smug with sickness consumption
striving for what isn’t there
a warning of laughter, mustered
wasn’t enough
(cut me, just one more line)
snorting sugar with deficit
ribs heave in tune, did you really think
nothing is downhill, all the way

to stop one insanity at a time
is insanity, yet
i’m too often warmed, by comfort
victim blanket, not alone
furious with helplessness
must be
a willing slave

Five

Pistachio boy sat in the third seat from the back, his back pack still over his shoulder. He was nervous, not knowing if he’d make it in time. He knew they wouldn’t wait for him. He held his head in his hands, feeling the throb of his migraine with every heart beat. His vision was blurred but he must persevere if he’s to get what he’s waited the past nine weeks for.

Skye opened her hand and the butterfly emerged, flying up to the open window. She knew Him better now than ever. As a blanket of calm covered her, she felt drawn to look at the strange boy across the aisle. She stood, picked up her violin case and walked down the aisle to him. He appeared childlike to her and she knew that she had to help him.

Joseph, the driver of the bus, felt the cool steel of the revolver under his belt. He wondered if today would be the day. He felt the blur of the city, the same as the blur in his mind. It was meaningless and mute. He silently and repeatedly mouthed the words, “blessed is he who follows the black, blessed is he who drowns on the path.” His mouth was dry with blood and it was neither bitter nor sweet.

Simon wore his red shirt every Wednesday. He liked how it reflected in the bus window, making the tail lights of passing cars seem to disappear. He never looked forward to summer, when the night came later and he had to miss this simple pleasure. He only had two weeks before it ended. He hoped that Mrs Devlin would understand when he screamed.

Nora was not regretting her decision to leave. She clutched at the box in her lap, making her knuckles turn white. She grabbed what she could before Jason came back. She knew this day would come, just not so soon. She resented the time he spent with her brother in Munich. Their dealings meant that things could not go on, and despite his apparent shock when he left his phone message, he must have known it was coming.

Five souls on a bus. Five moments captured in time. Five lives in the balance. Five consequences about to be realised. Five unsuspecting victims. Five minutes remain.

Only One (Lyrics)

(Let myself)
(be myself)

Chicago woman
sweet sassy smile
take me your lover
my heart’s open wide

Dream every morning
lust every night
dance till the sun rise
your eyes locked on mine

You’re the only one
You’re the only one
You’re the only one

(Let myself)
(be myself)

You want to know
my everything
the whole of me
the all of me

I want to know
your everything
you’re wonderful
you’re beautiful

You’re the only one
You’re the only one
You’re the only one

(Let myself)
(be myself)

I’ve dared more than I ever have before
I’ve let myself, be myself
you say that I’m beautiful, to you
and you hold me
and you hold me

You’re the only one
You’re the only one
You’re the only one

You’re the only one
You’re the only one
You’re the only one

(Let myself)
(be myself)

home surf

arms and head throw back
meet the wave, take and consume me
smacked down and tumbling, free
salt becomes me, around my core

burst back and scream to the sun
whip my hair, up spray flying
tingling bubbles burst from my skin
the power liberates and drowns me

floating, flying, rocking along
white water breaking over, I’m under
head strong echo beneath the crash
welcome chill opposes the sun

I’m back to where I belong
alone, in the crowd, surfing the bears
five minutes turns into hours, I crest
lost and alone, and home with myself

blood for vodka

bloated stink around the quiet
but for invitation, proposition
twelve year’s tails, sixteen’s boots, and black lips
another eight years to tunnel end, dank

(slut)

walls, cement scratching flickers in the dark
chill and she, blows my blood
tomb’s cold despite her warmth

(my cock)

smoking me for twenty
and stolen vodka
snarling head back, hands curl
sweet Jesus sticky deep
nothing hurts, numb throat

(empty gag)

an angel for a moment
wet with smiling smear
unscrew and wash down payment
red in forgotten, calloused places

(run)

raged regret Jekyll grows
wrapped in disgust, I spit
over downcast eyes
filthy whore, you made me do it
you tease me, laugh and leave

(run home)

deserve

what
do i deserve?

i know the difference
between doubt and hope
separated by time, consequence
and conscious reflection

how
shall i deliberate?

i take myself hidden
to the edge of norm
we value not those
who follow the fool

when
will i arrive?

i want to wake up
from discontent, to reach
that place where the rain
of need soaks my skin

why
is it complicated?

i create a contentment
designed by a pair
created in tune, we
invoke what’s deserved

meet me on wings

smokey jazz hum, meet me in the back bar
barefoot dance on
worn dry smooth, hardwood floor
warmed by late day sun
sway hip tunes
intimate and private, a perfect meeting

turned over for yearned
mine inside and out
expression left wanting pique
spoken or written, search for another
perfect word, no less

by this telegram or telephone
give pass
take hold of this
with open winged enchantment
and flight me higher
on back of woven prose foresee
one perfect day

i dont know how to tell you

I don’t know how to tell you
to fuck off
and leave me alone

your voice is driving me up the fucking wall
but I smile
and nod like an obedient

painful and saturating my skull
unabating, unrelenting
fuck off and leave me alone

fuck off and leave me alone

my rhythm in cadence to numb the pressure
collapsing walls of sound
I don’t know how to tell you

escapist dreams with closing door
and closing eyes and mind
don’t follow me

fuck off and leave me alone

now I know my dear child
your anxious daily grind of life
neurotypical life

if you could, you’d say
fuck off
and leave me alone

I don’t know how to tell you
fuck off
and leave us alone

share me this ocean love

he turns to look back at the wash, surf drips from his brow
she steps to dance along the pier, creaking timber sound
sand between his toes
salt blows in her hair
oceans partnered, vast and lost
reflecting blue the same

shoot his day, and paint her sight
captured moments owned by one
their one, may never share
he is deaf to children’s laughter, splashing
she is numb to rolling, chilling blunder
together forming waves of sigh

tidal hopes washing, pulling forth and back
their hearts in destined sync
she speaks with honest hidden eyes
he stops to trap the words she dared
a keepsake echo, quell the ache
of lonely cloak of night

fellatio, clack

numbing feast fellatio, girl on the night train
::clack clack::

deep in dark, released in the neon flicker
::clack clack::

suicide fishnet girl, lady gaga bob blonde
::clack clack::

struck and swept liquor lip, cheeks wet
::clack clack::

stranger stares, passing linger looking over
::clack clack::

eyes thrown back, track map view
::clack clack::

shameless worthless lovely whore
::clack clack::

evil rising killing time, my dime
::clack clack::

fueled smack to faster, faster
::clack clack::

fury violent frenzy fuck mouth
::clack clack::

suck my cock you crazy bitch
::clack clack::

all and more and take it now and
::clack clack::

press and squeeze and press and squeeze and
::clack clack::

hold
::clack clack::

::clack clack::

::clack clack::

lick and release, a fallen knee
::clack clack::

the clock struck two, it’s my stop, this block
::clack::

back to black
my nine to five honey pot
sweet dippin ready
again. again.     oh tell me again
was she pretty?
dirty boy
dirty man, oh

dance, this night

give me a sway
lay down your crazy
beat up this island rhythm
lean over by me here now, here now

more than you ever have before
dance baby girl
save my world, flow’s tune
dance like everyone’s watching
but you don’t care, you’re free

forget where you are, light up
forgive where you’re not, slide over
flamenco way, breath-taker
size up this line, call my name

palms up with ringing voices
ebb’s tibe of dreams longing steps
disco nights for five in chicago
lights away to park bench sleep
pillow memory, one memory
to keep for all its sake

1, epic

i’m secure
in the knowledge
that no matter how long it takes
we’ll both wait
until the time is right, and then
we’ll realise our love
in all it’s truth
in all it’s epic glory
and then I’ll know
what it’s really like
to be with the love of my life

this, my Kate, is my love for you
worth working for
worth waiting for
worth aching for
my heart, my head, and my essence
they all tell me
to endure this ache
for this love will be worth the wait
for this love is, one

alone she cries

humped over this patterned stair
slightness forgetting rambling where once there was none
i too blend into the grasp of the devil
doubt is a Satan that twists light through my lens, bokeh hidden softness denied

steel coldly goes where never before wielding sword goes, alas
dripping
blood turns to ice in air, falling, shatters on stones grey matt
she asks me, pleading

forget me
forgive me
forgo me
but never stop loving me

i close my eyes and the night is darker than black, there is no light spear
no whirl of peace
torturous facial blanket is wet with sweat, pores gouged and weeping

tumbling

crushing vice, skin stretches to point
stretches over nails and greed feeds on stale
damp dank mouldy wine sour sharpens tongues bud
flicker bud

taken aside, inside, penetrate like a stallion on the cobblestones, slide
death comes
death comes
death is coming
outside your door
inside your home
inside your soul
inside your cunt
death is coming, death is coming, death is coming
draw depth breath and HOLD

HOLD

down to the ground, exhales the stench of twelve years of regret
down to the grave, exhales the pain of twelve years of mistake
down to the grave, exhales
with your ear down, silent, whisper to the worms

i’m coming
i’m coming
i’m waiting for you here, outside

alone she cries, waiting for me, waiting for this, waiting for the never story ending
a feast to giants, a friend to the foe, a famine to the family

alone she cries
waiting, wanting, for my return
bitten
bitten and sunken
bitter and sunken, drunken

i’m dead to you
i’m dead to you
alone she cries, i’m coming

faerie hopes

innocent angel
faerie wings to flight
of childhood fantasy

grow from me
arch to the clouds
be your dream little one

swirls of doubt
from stiffened breeze
temper joy to memory

looking forward
learn the way below
tracked and worn before

face lights down
weary soul deserving rest
tied to naive choices

questioning everything
cry yourself at night
to sleep, with fear and loathing

when all outside closes in
tight your eyes and hold on
the hope you held to heart when young

ask, what if, and smile inside
ask, why not, and take a punt
take a step and climb to high

lost, in dances

Let go
release reverberates across expansive
fields, fresh with violets
draw deep and true
petals colour rainbows a single hue
for me

Refresh
soothing water of melting white
peaks, torrents from tumbling
pools of solemn dreamy
eyes, pure drowning love
is rare

Lunar
days mixed with dew
private to longer mornings
bliss taken, bliss missed
golden known nightly ships
pass by

Take flight
wings carry destined
flesh, your heart’s gravity draws
mine, belong to aching
desire, once of life this
time

Swim
in liquid gems, pools
where rubys green
and emeralds red, as
jealous blood flows and
binds us

Take this
my word, kissing your blind
folded eyes, trusting deep
flaming ideals of chance
we dare, a life of being lost
in dances

hunter

Come out gentle beast, my best
survey all horizons for the one
snap
cross hairs locked
eyes are claws, tender vice
eyes for her, held gaze
hypnotise
saunter hips to pillowed maiden
leave on the light, I want to see her
leave on the light
leave on the light, I want, devour

come to me baby, I desire you
come to me baby
come to me, come to my amber
my den
my lair, my steely forest
where I sleep in wait
where awake I pace

I rape your mind, of sense
sanity stripped and discarded
your will abandons you
soul flooded with instinct
passion dripping from your abandon

I will not go
I will not stop
I will not abate this torrid fury
of love
of lust
of fucking lust

I’ll bite down, down, open your wound
Open your substance
hold your beating in my fist
take you to the ledge
of dare
hold you there
and with love
and with love
consume you

silence

ache cannot exist without dread
love cannot flow without joy
when the mist of the afternoon rain blows
across a lonely heart
silence deafens

dreams cannot play without hope
tears cannot fall without passion
when the crackling fire of desire burns
beside our naked skin
silence comforts

hunger cannot be sated by water
thirst cannot be quenched by thought
when my mind is left to devices
alone in solemn muse
silence welcomes

mmmmlips

your lips
. . . softly tender kiss
your lips
. . . parting freely bliss
your lips
. . . autumn merlot red
your lips
. . . draw me to your bed
your lips
. . . whisper soft my name
your lips
. . . stoke my building flame
your lips
. . . warm and wet with sin
your lips
. . . drink my hardness in
your lips
. . . play a tune with mine
your lips
. . . nectar from the vine
your lips
. . . sigh with sweet delight
your lips
. . . making lovers bite
your lips
. . . lipstick leaves a trail
your lips
. . . open to exhale